I saw him today;

          In his work truck, he looked so good. I see him around a lot, but he never comes into my work. I think he is scared of me, why? I do not know. He is a gorgous man and I am sure with a good heart, but wtf? Why is this so hard for me? Guys at my taking and I have no game. He is beautiful. He is my hope.

Alrighty quite an update and ready go!

My weekend went quite well besides the normal fight that comes around every now and again. Not with me with people close and Of course im there to observe it which beleive me is not by choice it just always plays out like that. Getting closer with one person as I move way from others I'm branching out becoming me getting those I want around near me and those bad apples farther away. One thing i cant quite understand is why I can get this hope off my mind, Ive gotten better over the years of managing these feelings but I cant get him out of my head. He is considered a hope because it never will be as much as i wished it could be it wont. That feeling sucks more than ever atleast if i got a chance I would know the final answer..But the longing feeing of want is all i have to go off. He is beautiful, most gorgouse man. Tall built beautiful glowing skin, light hair with bright eyes and a smile to melt any girls heart...I wild one, one challenge Ide love to take on given a chance..ugh..torment.

   I cant sleep,

             I don't quite know where this blog will be going.. For it is a late night rant. Now I do believe I mentioned my addiction to coffee in my introduction, if not I am a coffee addict. 16 oz White Chocolate Americano, Ice, Carmel drizzled over the ice, The white chocolate POWDER not the syrup(that makes the coffee taste like shit). Or white chocolate latte. Oh, how I wish it was morning so I can enjoy such a senseless fullfilment. I look back and remember all of the friends I use to have the parties we used to run. And now I have no one besides myself, No one standing strong with me, No one to motivate me. I miss being what I once was but look forward to who I will become. I hate my job now..I fucking despise it. I cannot work a job like that for the rest of my life. ugh...I'll make a list later of what I dont know...I must be gone to sleep now..

                                                                              Faithfully Yours,

                                             Amanda A.

So for an update...

    I found my classes and schedual for next quarter which I think are fucking awsome and the schedual is damn near perfect. I am realizing finally, that good things do come to those who wait. I have a new hope since my last blog on this site years ago. To bad he is only a hope like the last one. I want a significant other, however, at the same time I want to continue within the solitude I have created. I have so much going for me and it seems like the love of another would be more of a burden than a fullfilment of desire I want it to be. I am on good terms with myself for the time being. I need to dig out some more motivation though. Moving out seems like a distant thought that has passed however I need it to happen more than ever. I feel it will help me grow even more to become the person I want to be, as well as be more fincially suited. Now, dont get me wrong I got my shit on lock down but everyone has a little dirty vice that just happens to cost something. I'll work on that over time. Well I must cut this short(I have some reading I must attend to).

                                                                                              Fairwell

                                                                                      (Until Next Time)

Amanda A.

Here is my formal introduction:

      My name is Amanda Christine Anderson. I am a 20 yearold college student studying the art of journalism. I have not always had the easiest life, but over time, I grew up and moved on. I have lost a lot of friends over the years, I either saw their true colors or we parted ways as humans do. Its human nature to grow and move on. Hopefully to better yourself but there are those who grow up and worsen as time goes on. As unfortunate as that is, it;s life. I used to have one of these along time ago but I do not know what happened to it. I posted my most darkest thoughts, as I shall do here. This is my place to vent and to come to terms within myself. Back than I was caught up in a world of  complete chaos and termoil. These days I have laid back and relaxed more and just worried about me which is nice. Those friends I lost. Neither were true friends but I shall not go into that, for it is something of the past which it should stay there until a later date. I do not party. It has become more of a burden than anything. I like to have a clear level head and wake up feeling refreshed and not like shit. I love to sleep. It's a pleasure I dont get to enjoy nearly as much as I would like. Driving is a passion of mine. I love to drive everywhere infact I might brisk myself away to alki beach for some valuable me time. I consider West Seattle home. More than where I love now. Seattle is my love for it is a city of opertunities. A city where I want to be. I have 2 dogs Danika and Diesle. A little brother I will always love no matter what the out come.. As we get older we get closer..and yet we are splitting apart. Its funny how things like that work out. I love to eat it's something I enjoy so much : D Fully aware I sound like a pig but who gives a fuck I am not here to satisfy anyones needs except for myself. I am looking out for me right now and I am number 1 in my life. I have learned to let a lot go and i am currently still in the process of that. (thank you for counsolers) they really do help. I am not ashamed to admit I needed to seek a stranger for my issues. I learned I cannot deal with myself anymore letting everything build until it's like a nuclear bomb had gone off. They listen as i spill my shit and not shove shit down my throat. They are the listening ear I needed for so long. And I thank her very much. I am a ball of energy and a ballsy little bitch. I have no problem telling anyone what I think for thats just who I am. I will never lie to you for I cannot lie to save my life.. I am pobably one of the few honest people left out in the world. Dont get me wrong though I am not a goody goody. I can be but the real me...well,

she is that crazy bitch that will rock your fucking world.